1. Be sensitive: It doesn't matter what anyone says, not being able to have children is more painful than dealing with the loss of a child- Infertility denies you opportunity and impacts your health and happiness. Infertility is arguably the most painful struggle a person can have. Don't make jokes of it or play it down.
2. Do not take your kids for granted or offer them as a consolation prize when they are testing your patience. Infertile couples may be hurt that you act that way about a blessing you have.
3. Do not keep suggesting that if you have children- that your life would be complete without children. Often times, couples pretend or say they do not care about not having kids, because they are trying to accept the fact that everything they do from additional church service to having a surrogate or IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) hasn't worked. Let them cope.
4. If someone does not appear to have kids, they probably don't. Good parents are really proud of the children they bring to the world. If you find out you're pregnant on April Fools Day, just wait or be serious. People who joke about being pregnant on April 1st and are not pregnant need to get a brain. This is a turn-off for everyone who lives and breathes that joke. Joking about having to deal with something you don't have, is just as awful and claiming someone was hurt or killed on April 1st. Be classy and realize that people who have kids really do let you know they have them.
5. Do not treat someone like they are too young or unable to understand the challenges of parenting because they do not have children. Some parents can be no match for their dealings with children than the infertile school teacher who deals with way more than just your one kid.
6. Do not act like babysitting is a special treat for those who don't have the opportunity of having their own children.
7. Don't pretend being a parent makes you an expert on kids, because someone else does not have kids.
8. Don't assume that those trying to have kids haven't tried everything they can to succeed having children- religiously, medically or any other means.
9. Don't assume that if you get pregnant that all infertile individuals will hate you or not want to celebrate with you the good news. Just because other people are not as fortunate to have their own kids, doesn't mean they cannot be really thrilled for your success in getting pregnant too.
10. Jealousy happens every now and again, but one of the hardest things about infertility is the emotional struggle that is felt when people pity you so much that they treat you different- like a wounded bird that should always be dwelling on its broken wing and incapable of flight. A majorly cool ability in life is the ability to reproduce; not being able to is like being born without a large portion of your purpose-treating people inflicted with infertility is like the cherry on top to further punishing them for not being able to.
11. Don't tell infertile couples that you are choosing not to have children so that you can play and go on vacations for the rest of your life- or further suggest they should do the same. The most disgusting thing about being this selfish about your livelihood- is the fact that such people try to convince you that the loss you feel being infertile shouldn't feel like a loss at all or that it isn't real. Children do test patience, but they are only as good as they are raised, and they are a joy to the lives of who they go to. So often, accidental pregnancies occur, and the parents feel their life is enriched at the unplanned parenthood they ended up having. Don't bash children to people who love them.
12. Do not keep telling young people that they have time. No one gets any younger and infertility does not get easier when you downplay the urgency and desire young people have when they want to be parents.
13. Tell those you know struggling to get pregnant that they are so good with kids when they watch your kids and help them to feel like their abilities to be beneficial for children still makes an impact- even if they are unable to have their own kids.
14. Listen and be sensitive to people who are incapable of children when most of the best medicine is to just be a therapeutic listener. Be loving and don't treat them any less than a respectable adult when it comes to them needing to vent a bit. If way too much complaining about infertility results, then lessen the conversation. Infertile couples hurt more to dwell on the problem, and you probably don't want them playing on your sympathies toward them too much.
15. Encourage adoption after foster parenting. If money is an issue, then let them know that it is okay to wait a little while to build their funds for the purpose of having children.
16. If you believe in prayer, pray for those who you would like to see bare and raise a miracle.
17. Do not share actual conceiving advice, unless you come from a profession that knows the ins and outs of common fertility problems. If you are a doctor, massage therapist, nutritionist or even a gym teacher; you might have a little merit to share your opinions. Unless you absolutely know you are right about something, don't share it.
18. Getting fertility advice offers hope. If you think someone has too much despair, then offer them hope. However, some couples just want to know for certain if they should allow for hope without disappointment, or if they should cut their losses and cope with the fact that they may never get their own kids. Be careful about getting someone's hopes up about having children.
19. Most important of all; just be a friend to those wanting kids and not having them. Don't treat them like the swim-less fish they feel like, just treat them like you would everyone else who does not have the problem that infertility can be.
Things to try to succeed conceiving:
- Healthy diet and exercise
- De-stress
- Meditation
- Study Infertility
- Join a support group
- Massage Therapy
- Self-Hypnosis or CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)=Positively re-frame negative thinking.
- Acupuncture
- Work hard
- "Nesting"-Preparing and knowing 100% that you are ready to sustain a child abundantly and adequately. This includes parenting classes and emotional coping skills.
- Pray
- Seek advice from a fertility doctor and take notes in your appointments. Bring questions each time too.
- Share your findings, if you eventually see progress or somehow get pregnant after being infertile fo so long.
- Learn what your body needs and be sure your lifestyles or habits are in no way hurting your chances of succeeding pregnancy. So much as a weak immune system from allergies or having any amount of caffeine or alcohol can prevent success.
- Be strong and hopeful. Once a natural balanced healthy life is achieved, pregnancy may come as a surprise.
- If people ask why you don't have kids, just be calm and polite. Be happy that people like you enough to want your spawn running all over the place! Just reply things like, "If you see a stork, let us know.", "We are awaiting the privilege.", or even "Not yet." People tend to sense it and leave it alone. People do not always realize there are people who can't. Don't be a jerk and make them feel bad for asking or seem put out that they would ask. It's much easier to be polite than to always play a victim card.
No comments:
Post a Comment