Ending or Enduring (Relationships)

For one reason or another, relationships do not work out. Breaking up is not always a bad thing. The beauty of it all is that people can change. Whether you dump someone else or they dump you, all that it means is that you both don't want the same things. Breaking up doesn't mean that love or interest never existed in the relationship, it just means that you can freely go the direction you want and need to go. "What if there is another time and chance for this relationship? Should I stick around or just end it?" Depends on what is going on.

One big challenge in getting over relationships or even worse-marriages that result in divorce, is that the longer committed you are, the harder it becomes to sever ties.  Once there are children in a marriage that becomes inflexible- children of divorcee parents ALWAYS suffer psychological and emotional trauma (even if they seem to be coping strongly with it or not!

 Have you asked yourself, "Is splitting up really appropriate?" Below is a list of things that must occur in order for you to feel mostly understood and even justified for divorce or breaking up:

1. Abuse- Abuse of any kind is not tolerable to you, kids, parents, ANYONE. Any relationship that becomes demeaning mentally, physically, sexually or emotionally. Get out of it! Just when you think you won't get hurt again- it tends to keep happening, even if we do not want to believe it, because we love the other person or we fear what will be lost if you finalize the decision to end it all. Do not allow abuse to continue. Be safe and seek help if your relationship is becoming too hurtful to remain. For more information about your family or domestic violent relationships- try learning more at: www.familiesincrisis.org

2.  Dishonesty- Not to say that good people can't exist in prison- but let that be the last place you look. If anyone is dishonest for stealing or violence; they may not have respect for the law- and eventually you and others too. Misery loves company. If you stick around the wrong crowd- you'll be dragged down with the others and deemed forever an accomplice. Not good for a  reputation you may be trying so hard to maintain with others.

3.  Infidelity/Cheating- Absolutely be firm on this one. A person who is cheated with can't even be sure they won't be cheated on by the same person later. Once a person cheats, you may always be suspicious. Suspicion kills relationships and is not worth attempting if you have a keeper. If you know for certain that the person has changed and won't cheat again, then it is recommended to be forgiving. More often than not, cheating is a repeated and recycled offense, so don't be so quick to let it go. Don't hang it over their heads forever, but if it keeps happening, then by all means- sever ties!

4. Pornography- Pornography is like a combo of all bad things that can go wrong in a relationship. It is like fantasized adultery to which a partner cannot compete with to satisfy sexual impulses, it is rewiring to the brain, leads to abuse, dishonestly, infidelity and can certainly lead to abuse by teaching to only be stimulated by all other wild and kinky ways for the other to enjoy sex and the expense of the other victim of the relationship. All studies that say couples who view pornography together are happier have been proven false. Pornography kills love-without a doubt.

5. Money- If you or the other cannot manage money- then work on it. One of the top reasons for divorce or breakups is due largely to messy money controversies. Learn to be adults and manage money equally. Relationships fall apart when money matters are not discussed and agreed on.

After reviewing these justifiable reasons for ending it, why might you want to endure? For starters, no one knows you better. Generally most people mature and learn as they get older, and hopefully more sensitive, considerate, and smarter. People change. So often, problems are miscommunication and misunderstandings that cause the irritability and frustrations that occur in a relationship. If you are absolutely, positively in a relationship with a person that is unwilling to make sacrifices or changes for you-just as you might be to them- then you deserve to be with someone who treats you the way you treat others.

Breakups never get easier, but making the choice to break up with the right kind of person does get easier. Each time you get dumped or dump someone else, you can start to compile a great list about what you can and cannot negotiate in your relationship expectations. There is no such thing as the perfect person, but there is such thing as the perfect person for you!